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wtf   
06:38pm 15/05/2008
  Well, been another year, and nothing has gotten any better...  worse perhaps, but definitely not better.  At least last summer I was smoking good kind buds, not these shitty reggos I've had to resort to due to lack of money.  The Stealth has been sitting in the same parking spot since October, when the clutch blew out.  I would have had it running again back in January, but Adam decided to get drunk and wreak his truck, then when he didn't have his truck to drive around drunk with, he somehow busted the entire rear wheel/brake assembly off of the passenger side.  So of course I ended up having to pay around $600 in bills to help my mom out, meaning no car for me until I get my check in June.  Which of course has meant I'm stuck at Cafe Felix until then.  Even after then more likely, as I have serious doubts whether I'll be able to get another job.  I hate my life so much.    
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07:56am 15/06/2007
  Been over a year since i last posted.  Amazingly, nothing that could change anything has happened.  I've put in countless applications, not a single call, no interviews, nothing.  I've asked out a few girls, been on two possible dates, and that's it.  I'm another year older...  that's about it.  The 'dates' i've been on were with Rebecca from work, within the past few weeks.   It started it off normally enough, she started working at cafe felix, and  we, i thought, kinda hit it off.  So i asked her out, she said yes, and we had a date, then another...  and that's been about it.  We've talked online and through texts a lot, but I'm still getting a weird vibe from her.   I asked her when i would see her again tuesday, she didn't really give a response, other than, "haha, i work 8-5 tomorrow", i replied, "heh, i work 5-cl".  Her:  "uugh; lol; i'll ttyl; or see you tomorrow; goodnight".  So i text her yesterday afternoon, seeing if she was free... the text i get back says she's in CT and "(sorry)".  Nothing after that.  Now, she did tell me last week she was heading home this weekend, so i can't fault her there.  I just don't know how she sees our relationship.  I look at it some ways, and it really seems like she's interested in me, but then i look a slightly different way at it, and it's like she sees us as friends. 
I guess all i can do is ask her. 

Mid-last week, my uncle Robbie was found unconscious, from what they think was a fall.  He had very little brain activity (from what information I've been able to gather), and machines were needed to keep him alive...  the family decided it was best to take him off the machines Sunday.  He passed the next day around 1pm.  Services were held yesterday, and the funeral is today.  My dad, who was apparently close with Robbie, sounded pretty shook up when i called, and seemed like he wanted me to come up for the services.  I wish i had a way to make it up there, I haven't visited that side of the family in years, not to mention I haven't seen my dad in years...  I really hate how my life has worked out.		  
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05:23am 22/01/2006
  i can't believe how much my life sucks. the depression keeps getting worse and harder to get past...  
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10:14pm 17/01/2006
  still blah... nothing new.  
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dunno   
08:48am 05/11/2005
  been hanging with erica from work quite a bit, although i don't know where it's going, if anywhere. i get the feeling that she just wants to be friends, which i'm entirely cool with. i don't know if i could handle a relationship right now, although i think it would be a good thing. she's up in lansing this weekend, but said she'd call when she got back to get together. i think i'm going to try and plan something, don't know what yet, but hopefully will help clarify the situation...  
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04:45pm 20/10/2005
 
mood: the usual...
it's been more than a week off of effexor. i'm still getting small withdrawls, and have been more down than usual. my life still sucks, i guess the medicine didn't do much for me.		  
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02:58am 19/10/2005
 
mood: not high enough
still no girls for me. wtf? i'm not picky, and supposedly great in bed. what do i have to do????????		  
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03:34am 05/10/2005
 
mood: complacent
so yeah, i don't know about going off this effexor... it seems no matter how hard i try, girls just aren't interested in me. i suppose it could be that i'm working all the time, instead of hanging out regular-like, i dunno. i just got really depressed about it all after work tonight. like, hardcore. i haven't had that feeling since i started taking the effexor, and now that i'm pretty much off it, i've been getting it more and more. about the girl problem, i dunno what to do. there's not really much i can do until i start working less i guess. even then, i dunno if it's that i'm unattractive or what. I gotta get out more though.
i met maggie tonight. she's a lot more attactive in person than i thought she would be. i don't think she has much interest in me, except for getting her into skeeps. i think that's all i'm good for lately. her and marcie both. oh well.
i'm getting high.		  
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10:32am 29/09/2005
 
mood: of course
music: bep - elephunk theme
time to vent and such.

my life still sucks, at least in my mind. i'm pretty much off my medication, effexor. i have no insurance, and i really don't want to pay $80/bottle for it. so ive been weaning myself off- started at 300mg/day, down to ~15mg every so often. i only take it now to alleviate the withdrawls. but i definitely haven't had any episodes of severe depression they warn of, so that's good i suppose.
other than that, nothing much has changed from before. i still haven't met any girls, other than at scorekeepers, where they just talk to me to get stuff, alcohol, line skips, free cover, etc. at least that i know of. one girl, marci, i thought kinda liked me, but i think it'll turn out like above. i gave her my number (she 'doesn't give out her number') a few weeks back, and the only time she's called was when she was in line at skeeps, and ryan (dude who used to hook her up) quit and wasn't there, so she called me. I didn't pick up, but it kinda irks me that that's the only reason she's called. all the other girls i've met don't seem like they're into me at all, just as friends. whatever.
also, i work waaaaaaay too much, although the paychecks are nice. they definitely could be nicer of course. the rest of the week for me: today: felix 11am-4, skeeps 10pm-3, fri: felix 9am-4, skeeps 9pm-3, sat felix 9am-4, skeeps 6pm-3am, sun: felix 9am-4. so i have no nights off till sunday, no days off till monday. but i made $800 last payperiod, so that's not too bad (2 week payperiod) i suppose. its bought me plenty of trees though.
i was supposed to go out to Rick's last night with my brother. i took a nap and didn't wake up till an hour ago. so no partying for me for another 4 days :(

on the bright side, ive decided to be much more aggressive with girls. ive had enough rejection now where it doesn't matter if it happens anymore. fuck it.		  
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stab   
04:01am 25/09/2005
 
mood: exhausted
music: gorillaz - feel good inc.
I'll stab you. I'll stab you times two. I'll stab you, then I'll stab your crew.


recognize.		  
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03:42pm 14/08/2005
 
mood: as fuck
music: BEP - Let's get Retarded
i love marijuana		  
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04:53am 11/08/2005
  why does my life have to suck so much?

I have 2 jobs, both of which pay decently, and that I pretty much like. I have a great family, they care about me and try to help out and make me happy as much as they can. I have a few friends, although most are either too far away to hang with a lot, or just I guess not that interested in hanging with me.
I'm in debt past my head, which probably accounts for a lot of stress and depression in my life. I owe UofM $1500, Woodchase apartments $800, TCF bank $200, Discover card like $2800, various other credit cards in excess of $2000, the IRS a few hundred, and my mom at least a grand. Plus I have (had) a car in impound that at least check, I owed $1000 on, and have a good set of speakers in. So basically, whoever first said "money can't buy happiness" can suck my balls. My life would be so stress free if I could pay this shit off. And it's not like I waste my money on things.
My ex-roommate pretty much screwed me over last year. Him, me and my ex decided it would be good to get an apartment together at the beginning of '04, after my classes ended. So we did, and I had warned him before we'd even signed the lease for the apt that my ex would be moving out for school in the fall, and we'd have to split her rent between us. Fall rolled around, she moved out, and of course, my roomie conviently forgot that we'd made this agreement, and I got stuck with 2/3 of the rent, which came out to $600/mo for me, $300 for him. Oh yes, I had also been unemployed for the previous 3 months before my ex moved out. So that left me with my savings account to pay rent, bills, and whatever else that came up. I couldn't really break the lease at that point, or I would have owed $1200 to woodchase, and I'm sure my ex-roomie wouldn't have given me a dime for it. In the end, I had to use my school loans, and money from my mom to pay rent.
That's the story behind me being so in debt. I still havn't been able to recover. Pretty much, my credit score is negative now. I have no money, and the money I earn goes to my debt.

Now, if I had money, I think I would be happy. I'd have immensely less stress. I'd be able to do much more than I do now.

i wish my life was better...		  
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10:28am 06/08/2005
 
mood: melancholy
gilbert o'sullivan - alone again naturally

my new theme song

look it up		  
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03:43pm 28/07/2005
 
mood: stoney
music: Gigi D'Agostino - L'amour Toujours
i went downtown and applied at Mongolian BBQ, Cafe Felix, and some gift shop that was hiring. mongolian or cafe felix would rock i think.		  
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02:44am 07/07/2005
 
mood: calm
music: dj patrich bateman
things are exactly the same as they have been for the past few weeks. no money, no girls, no weed...

i think i have to take things into my own hands somehow. not that i haven't been trying.		  
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06:15am 28/06/2005
 
mood: high
Yourself:
1. name: joey
2. your nick names: joe, jose, joe dirte
3. Birthday: august 2nd, 1980
4. Place of Birth: ann arbor, mi
5. Zodiac Sign: leo
6. Male or Female: male
7. Grade: done with college
8. School: UofM
9. Occupation: lazy ass
10. Location: ann arbor
11. Screen Names: on aim jdk88888, on yahoo: auxotrophx

Appearance:
12. Hair Color: brown
13. Hair Long or Short: shortish
14. Eye Color: brown
16. Height: 5'10"
18. Shoe Size: 10.5
19. Braces: no
20. Glasses: nope
21. Piercings: tongue
22. Righty or Lefty: righty
23. Tattoos: right arm, biohazard symbol

Firsts:
24. First Kiss: tiffany
25. First B.F/ G.F: tiffany
27. First Award: something probably
28. First Sport You Joined: baseball
29. First Pet: dog, chunky
30. First Vacation: prolly ann arbor
31. First Concert: 311, and some other bands
32. First Love: tiffany...

Favorites:
33. Movie: shawshank redemption
34. TV Show: simpsons
35. Color: black
36. Bands: 311, the roots, bep, dj sneak, etc x 10^10000
37. Song: homebrew - 311
38. Food: i love all food
39. Drink: mt dew or tequilla and oj
40. Candy: reese's
41. Sport To Play: baseball, hockey, badmiton
42. Sport To Watch: pretty much any
43. Brand Of Clothing: clothes have brands??? :O
44. Store: best buy/meijer
45. School Subject: chemistry
46. Animal: Drosophila melanogaster
47. Book: Einstein's Dreams - Alan Lightman

Currently…
49. Eating: mom's macaroni salad
51. Typing: wtf do you think im typing?
52. Online: i think so...
53. Listening To: the fan in the window
54. Thinking About: sleeping
55. Wanting To: sleep
56. Watching: you :O
57. Wearing: black shorts and white tshirt

Future:
58. Want Kids: yes
59. Want to Get Married: sure
60. Careers in Mind: biochemist
67. Cute or Sexy: cute?
68. Lips or Eyes: eyes
69. Hugs or Kisses: both, definitely both
70. Short or Tall: tall
71. Easygoing or serious: both?
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: romantic
73. Fatty or Skinny: doesn't really make a huge difference
74. Sensitive or Loud: again, there is a time for both
75. Hook-up or Relationship: relationship
76. Sweet or Caring: both
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: um, neither?
77.5 Is There Someone You Want Right Now But Cant Have?: how many times can i answer this question??

Have you ever…
78. Kissed a Stranger: yes, i think her name was megan...
79. Drank Alcohol: yeah
80. Smoked: pot please
81. Ran Away From Home: no
82. Broken a Bone: no
83. Got an X-ray: yes, a couple times, left arm for both...
84. Broke Up With Someone: yes
85. Broken Someone's Heart: probably not
86. Turned Someone Down: yeah
87. Cried When Someone Died: yes
88. Cried At School: yes

Beliefs:
89. God: nope, too shortsighted for me
90. Miracles: no
91. Love At First Sight: sure
92. Ghosts: yes
93. Aliens: yes
94. Soul Mates: maybe?
95. Heaven: no
96. Hell: no
97. Cheating: one of the worst things someone can do
98. Kissing on The First Date: if it feels right
99. Horoscopes: of course not		  
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10:30pm 22/06/2005
 
mood: high
auxotroph, Your ideal job is a Trained Assassin.

jobpredictor.com



Joseph Kenwabikise, Your ideal job is a Clown.

jobpredictor.com


awesome.		  
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04:56pm 18/06/2005
 
mood: high
someone asked me last night why I smoke weed... "...many reasons, to alleviate boredom, anxiety, depression, to chill, for a mood lift, sleep-aid... but mostly I think because it's fun." I was kinda drunk at the time, so the wording was probably a little different :)		  
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06:45pm 10/06/2005
 
mood: guess...
Alone
Edgar Allan Poe

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.		  
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do this   
01:37am 07/06/2005
 
mood: high
music: none
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Have you thought about me naked?
16. Would ya do me?
17. Have ya done me?
18. What's the most evil thing you've ever done?		  
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auxotroph
 
 
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